This is my very first blog, although I’ve been scribbling away for a number of years in Family Magazine on how to use life coaching methods to successfully deal with issues surrounding the pain and fatigue condition of Fibromyalgia. FM was the reason I had to take early ill-health retirement from my teaching career. I became a qualified coach in 2003 and since then have been working with individuals across the UK (mostly by phone) to help them look positively at themselves, their circumstances, their expectations and their future. The empowering methods and personal stories were published in my book “The Fibromyalgia Coach” in March of this year.
It’s 7 years since I was so ill I was mostly housebound (more correctly, bungalow-bound!), and faced the fact that I had to find my own way through my problems. Thankfully, in the intervening years information, support and education about invisible disability and conditions like FM has improved. However, in my view it is still woefully inadequate, and there is no general understanding of what havoc to life is caused by having a Central Sensitivity Syndrome such as Fibromyalgia. That’s one reason for writing this now and for having written “The Fibromyalgia Coach”.
As a coach, I’m aware that how we feel about ourselves can impact greatly on everything we do in everyday life. As a manager of my own Fibromyalgia, although I know that my illness is not “all in my head” there are times when I’m only too aware that every bodily command, function or system starts from a thought or reaction in the brain. The reality of that for me and for many other FMers is that a sudden shock or upset can trigger the sensitivity button and send us into an excessive physical reaction.
I’ve largely overcome this by recognising, accepting, and consciously changing my mindset at those times which can minimise the affects, but nobody can control everything, so I want to share with you an extreme example that happened just this week.
If I tell you that, like many, I’ve had years of struggle and difficulty (some of which probably could have been avoided!) but that at this time as I approach a significant- but-not-worrying birthday in a few months time (bring it on!) I have begun to feel completely happy with my lot. I am fit (walking 5 miles at a time), my work is going well, I’m meeting more people, my sons are great, I have many lovely friends and I am taking things as they come (but also working towards some exciting new projects). All seemed right with my world on Wednesday morning.
It was in this positive mood that I answered the phone and was given the devastating news that a longstanding friend, whom I thought I knew well, had been arrested. I suppose, like most people I went into fight or flight mode - it must be a mistake of course, but at the same time that thought came to mind, my muscles tightened up and I had pain in a way that I had not experienced for over 2 years. I talked to some friends, and then I got angry and ranted and raved around the house for some time. (Before I sorted myself out through coaching methods, I had always suppressed anger, so feeling angry was, for me, actually beneficial at that moment.)
Then came the fatigue reaction. Indescribable tiredness, like a balloon being burst, I had to sleep not later, but NOW. I also slept that night until 3am and later managed a partial day’s work before needing to sleep again. The 24 hours following the phone call shock had brought back symptoms that I had long since believed had gone forever. What could I do? How could I minimise this huge shock to my system and avoid going into a major Fibro-flare? That’s not just dramatic, that’s experience!
As I’ve already said, my inner state had been really positive, but one major negative bit of information, with all its associated thoughts had affected my body so much that I was in danger of going into a downward spiral commonly described as ‘the pit’!
I had planned to go out with my business networking friends on Friday evening. I felt so rough, I considered not going after all. I needed to sleep again, I was drained, so after a couple of hours
sleep, I made a huge effort to get up and join everyone in the curry house.
Putting the problem in an imaginary box, I lived ‘in the present’ for the next few hours, listening, talking, laughing with people who knew nothing of what I had experienced in the past 36 hours. It worked - the depleted pool of energy has been refreshed, I am thinking rationally again and my pain is back to its normal (hardly noticeable, but still there!) level. I stayed awake all day today which is usual for me except when I’ve been working too many days in a row and the FM fatigue catches up.
I know that my faraway, troubled friend’s journey with the justice system is likely to be long and difficult for everyone, not only those immediately involved, but also observers from afar. We think we know people, but the only person we really know is ourself. The most important work that anyone can do is to learn to be comfortable in their own skin, to be at peace within themselves, and to make choices in line with their true values which should be beneficial to themselves and not harmful to others. That often involves change, but with positive change can come health and the freedom to enjoy being your true self whilst living life to the full.
There are consequences to every decision and action we take in life - those coping with FM find out that they are not completely in control as the body decides on the effect each action is going to have, but once you understand how your mind and your body work, you can take steps to recover more quickly and make great choices for yourself.
Maybe that’s a thought for everyone, not just those dealing with chronic pain and perhaps this blog will encourage a few more to dare to think outside the box.
I hope so.
Bye for now
Pam
